Can I Do Better?

It's that time of year---not only time for  another cursed birthday, but time for a little bit of soul searching, time for resolutions. I wish that I could say hey, I'm pretty good. I don't think any changes are necessary. Unfortunately, honesty prevents me from that declaration. I'm old and you know what they say about dogs and new tricks. I'm pretty set in my ways, comfortable in my skin these days. I have come to not place much importance to what people think. It is the existence of that comfort zone that makes me have to question my need for improvement.

 

As I've aged, it seems that my heart has grown a little hard around the edges. The world is a rough and cruel place often and either for self preservation or perhaps just pure selfishness, I choose to close my eyes to much of that angst and drama.  As a matter of fact, the more I've realized that no one can make me acknowledge and observe the ills of the world, the more I've shut it out. I despise sad movies and stories and avoid them like the plague. While I would stubbornly defend my right to turn my head away, I'm aware that it's not something to be proud of. In my pursuit of indifference  I've greatly magnified my intolerance of people's weaknesses and problems.

 

Francis of Assisi, the patron saint of animals has always held a place in my heart. Though, I'm not  a religious person, like all religious saints, it seems there is a simplicity to his character. To me he represents true compassion. Compassion is the virtue that I'm feeling a lack of these days. I wince away from the ugly, write my small checks---because dollars are the easiest salve for guilt and go about my life

 

So, this New Year's, as I add another year to my advancing personal calendar, I'm going to make just one resolution.  I'm making no promises to loose these pounds I wear, to jog or walk or any of that good for me stuff or give up my evening wine. I'm not planning on volunteering for charity or to quit playing mindless games on my computer. Frankly, imperfect though I am, I feel like I've earned certain indulgences.  But, I am going to  make a true effort to search and soften my heart for the woes of this old world.  I'm going to make an honest attempt to view the mistakes, the unfortunate circumstances of my fellow man with more tolerance. I'm going to try to do better at finding true compassion for those poor distressed souls---even the stupid ones.

 

Happy New Year!  JO

Naughty or Nice?

No question these days, with the political campaigns slime-ing us, the violence that is both home and foreign grown, the world is far from nice.  It's sad and scary, violent and vulgar. If you don't turn off all media on occasion, give your brain a break, you feel as pathetic as the tree when all the decorations are stripped away and the presents are gone.

Sometimes you just need to indulge your natural aversion to the nasty old world, it's inhabitants and troubles.  You don't have to watch the sick children, the abused animals, the saddest stories all the time, every day. And you don't have to feel guilty that you can't fix it all.  A person only needs to do and give what they can, both near and far away. Your heart should be your guide, but your brain should lead.  You're not bad to search for your own joy.

The hubby and I are still adjusting to living a smaller life. It's been a hectic year of change. Some days, especially the dreary cold and wet ones, I have to admit the doubts swirl around. Confined to the small spaces of a travel trailer, "what have we done?" does enter the head. But, then you have to keep a perspective, gloomy winter days are never pleasant, no matter where you are. I did manage to find a spot for a small tree with some of my favorite ornaments. Once the presents were all wrapped and piled around, I felt better. These gifts won't be opened on one big chaotic day, with all my family together in my home, but they will be given with love to my children and grand children and happy times will be shared with them all.

There are some nice things about this time of year, this Christmas season. Things that seem to often be unique to the holidays.  Of course, it's a time when we do pause and are thankful for family, friends and the good things in our lives. If you allow yourself, however, it's all the small things that can make you smile and give you that joy. 

It's so nice....

       Even in this travel trailer "village",  the wreaths and lights and decorations begin to appear between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

       You can smell the scents of things baking and people tap on your door, bearing small cans and bags of fudge and cookies and all the wonderful things that your doctor warns you not to eat. Just a bite or two won't hurt, will it?

       Bright cards with happy wishes arrive from old friends and family, make you look forward to checking the mail. You line or stack them up, and wonder who is the Joe and Ann that secretly pushed the glittery card into your door frame?

       That even new acquaintances tactfully ask what you're doing for Christmas and make sure you know there's a place for you at their gathering.

        That there's plenty of sappy, corny Hallmark and Christmas movies on tv with happy endings.

It's okay to be naughty for  these brief moments of the holidays and only think about the nice, the good and precious things of our earth and the living things that inhabit it.

Merry, Merry, JO



   

Questions?

The definition of tyranny---oppressive power over the mind of man: a rigorous condition imposed by some outside agency or force.

Ask yourself these questions:

***You're hold up, hiding in a room and listening to people being murdered around you---when the assassin finds you, would you want to have your cell phone in your hand, telling your family goodbye or would you want to have a weapon to give yourself a chance of survival?  Are you comfortable that the bad guys (no amount of banning and laws will prevent them from having their guns), the government troops, the local law enforcement possess all the weapons? 

***Are you willing to unlock all your doors, open your home to any person that comes on to your private property, walks up to your door?  Any person, stranger and uninvited, even a person who appears to be like the one who declared that he hated you, your enemy---welcomed?  America's borders are presently as close to that as possible without officially having a wide open portal to our country.

***Do you believe that all the people, politicians and others who proclaim America's lack of balance between the haves and the have nots, those that say the wealth should be more fairly distributed, have no wealth of their own? Do you believe that they actually understand the conditions of the middle and lower class?  Are they willing to share their prosperity, will they give up their expensive cars, planes, designer clothes, multiple multi-million dollar homes?  The cost of just one of the Clinton's homes would provide decent housing for more than 200 people. 

***Do you believe that all law enforcement are abusive racists?  all black people are rioting looters? all muslims are terrorists?  No---you don't?  The large majority of Americans don't believe those things.  However, political correctness was never intended to protect and enable people that break our laws. Our laws apply to all Americans and are not to be prejudiced or make exceptions for anyone. If a big snarling spotted dog has attacked your neighbor, you will be extremely cautious and suspicious of a big spotted dog that walks your street. This is not profiling or phobic, this is the human instinct for protection and survival.

Here are the answers that completely ignore the reality of the dangerous times we are now living in:

GUN CONTROL---Take away the guns and the killings will stop.  Fact; you and your family will die, like the hundreds already have at the hands of the bad guys who will have their weapons and choose targets that they know are unprotected, churches, schools, public buildings, you and your home.


OPEN BORDERS---Poor and desperate refugees are seeking sanctuary and a better life, they are the ones who flee to our country.  Fact; the porous borders and our loose immigration policies make it highly probable that those that mean us harm will blend into the masses and infiltrate our country. They are the most dangerous hole in our homeland security.

SOCIALIST GOVERNING---Freedom means that everyone should share equally in the prosperity. Fact;  Freedom and democracy means that everyone should share equally in the opportunity to be prosperous and acquire the benefits of a free society.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS---In order to never offend, we should pretend that all of human kind are one color, one gender, one religion and never identify a person by their differences. Fact; Why would it be wrong to identify me with my differences?  Why are we not proud of our differences?  We ARE different.  White or black or polka dot--- Christian, Muslim or the Church of the Flightless Cuckoo Bird---male, female or somewhere in between---our differences are our identities, who we are, not insults.

America needs to wake up, wise up and toughen up.  Only lemmings follow each other in a blind and stupid dive off the cliff. The final question would be, do you want to plunge over the edge and hope the pile of bodies at the bottom breaks your fall or do you want to take a hard look at who is leading you to the edge?

Holiday Survival

Here we are--- approaching that wonderful, special holiday season. When I was younger and had small children, and for even quite a few years past those times, I never understood why some folks would say, "Christmas just makes me sad."  Since  I hadn't always had very happy Christmases when I was young I was damn and determined that my children would have big Merry ones. And we did have many. The only thing missing was I always wished for more money to buy the perfect gifts, make the perfect meal, create the perfect Christmas world at my home. 

Now, I'm much older, the children have children, there is even a child of the daughter's daughter.  And ironically, just the last few years, I get it. The holiday season can be very depressing. I now know that it was never about the amount of dollars to spend, it was always about the family happily joining together.  But the years go by, the children grow up and form their own lives and traditions.  And my beloved family is like many, especially in today's world, they do love each other, they just don't always like each other.  There is no true perfect holiday and there is no true perfect family. Relationships are complicated. And for the more "mature" of us, you add in the fact that people who were once an important part of your life, just aren't here anymore. 

So, I  painfully get it---Christmas and the stretched out holiday season, with it's shiny, sparkly, merry, ho-ho-ho ness can make a person want to smash a big ole pumpkin pie right in someone's grinning carol singing face!  How do you survive the holidays that aren't so merry for you any longer?  Here are some of my tips:

             *Give up any ideas that you've clung to about perfect holidays. Give up on your set belief in the place or time or how you will celebrate.   Accept that times and people change, that the holiday, just like life, isn't always about what you want and what you think you need to be happy.

            *Open your heart and your mind to something different.  If you need to have several celebrations, in several different places, just do it. Don't try to guilt or force all of your family to be together because you want it that way.  Be with family, whether it's one or ten, or with your friends.

          *Prepare or purchase special food and enjoy sharing it. Be thoughtful and creative about gifts, even a gift card can be in a pretty box or bag with someone's favorite candy bar or small thing included. You can go to a movie, a restaurant, take a walk in a park, something that you don't normally do when you gather for a holiday.

          *Refuse to be a part of any "drama" on the day, at the time of your holiday celebration. Enjoy the ones you 're with, remind yourself of the things that you love about them and do not get into any discussions of negative issues. If a discussion of family issues or disagreements begins just excuse yourself or simply smile and say, "I'm sorry. I'm not talking about that today."

         *Remind yourself of the things you are thankful for in your life and find your own joy. Share it with your loved ones and don't let anyone take it from you. 

If you will just do these simple things, mainly a change in your attitude and expectations, you'll have a much more peaceful holiday time. It may not be the big happy family Christmas that you dreamed of or even once had, but it can be an enjoyable time.

My true wishes for your happy holiday, JO