Can I Do Better?

It's that time of year---not only time for  another cursed birthday, but time for a little bit of soul searching, time for resolutions. I wish that I could say hey, I'm pretty good. I don't think any changes are necessary. Unfortunately, honesty prevents me from that declaration. I'm old and you know what they say about dogs and new tricks. I'm pretty set in my ways, comfortable in my skin these days. I have come to not place much importance to what people think. It is the existence of that comfort zone that makes me have to question my need for improvement.

 

As I've aged, it seems that my heart has grown a little hard around the edges. The world is a rough and cruel place often and either for self preservation or perhaps just pure selfishness, I choose to close my eyes to much of that angst and drama.  As a matter of fact, the more I've realized that no one can make me acknowledge and observe the ills of the world, the more I've shut it out. I despise sad movies and stories and avoid them like the plague. While I would stubbornly defend my right to turn my head away, I'm aware that it's not something to be proud of. In my pursuit of indifference  I've greatly magnified my intolerance of people's weaknesses and problems.

 

Francis of Assisi, the patron saint of animals has always held a place in my heart. Though, I'm not  a religious person, like all religious saints, it seems there is a simplicity to his character. To me he represents true compassion. Compassion is the virtue that I'm feeling a lack of these days. I wince away from the ugly, write my small checks---because dollars are the easiest salve for guilt and go about my life

 

So, this New Year's, as I add another year to my advancing personal calendar, I'm going to make just one resolution.  I'm making no promises to loose these pounds I wear, to jog or walk or any of that good for me stuff or give up my evening wine. I'm not planning on volunteering for charity or to quit playing mindless games on my computer. Frankly, imperfect though I am, I feel like I've earned certain indulgences.  But, I am going to  make a true effort to search and soften my heart for the woes of this old world.  I'm going to make an honest attempt to view the mistakes, the unfortunate circumstances of my fellow man with more tolerance. I'm going to try to do better at finding true compassion for those poor distressed souls---even the stupid ones.

 

Happy New Year!  JO