Prepping for the Perfect Christmas

From the time that I was just a girl, I believed every year that there was going to be a perfect Christmas and I waited impatiently for that day to come. As I got older, became a wife and a mother, I decided that it was my job to create that perfect holiday.  I admit that I am not the brightest bulb on the string of tree lights, it took quite a while for the reality to sink in.

Christmas, even if you are the biggest of believers, is just another day of life. Yet, with all the weeks and weeks of hype and anticipation and jolly ho-ho! we are somehow led to think that there will be magic and life will stand still for a few sparkling moments. The truth is, because of those false expectations and the notion that evidently the rest of world must be basking in Christmas cheer, all the everyday problems become magnified to the not so cheerful.

The real Christmas is the one when you  are so excited to introduce little Suzy to Santa, but all she sees is a huge hairy man, laughing menacingly and she screams her head off.  Perhaps the one when your teenager broke up with her boyfriend the week before, she wears black, one of her eyes is tear swollen shut, she does not acknowledge the existence of anyone and obviously has developed some foot condition, as she drags around like a zombie all day. The dog has eaten all of the fake candy tree ornaments and now is scarily hunched over and gagging on someone's coat.

It has snowed up to your butt cheeks and you hope that grandma doesn't cause a ten car pile up trying to get to your house. Over the years, there is a drinking incident or two from a depressed relative. Of course, this festive time of year is the perfect time to make startling announcements to family and friends. So, in the spirit of this, someone you love "comes out of the closet"...busy as you have been, you did not even know that were in the damn closet. And then, there is all of the food disasters that can happen to the big perfect dinner and the flu.

These days, to add to the utter joy of the holidays, there is all of the politically correct, don't offend anyone bulls--t!  If a clerk at the store slips up and tells you "Merry Christmas", they apologize. I mean, heaven forbid that we talk about why we are out here spending money we don't have, to buy people gifts that they don't want. Bless all of our hearts; we are free to believe whatever we want, just as long as we stay in the closet with it. 

You get my point? How do you plan for the perfect Christmas disasters? My sage advice is RELAX.
Enjoy my favorite recipe...the 24 hour drive thru, have lots of wine (add a bit to the gravy), laugh about the minor catastrophes and like Scarlett O'Hara "think about the rest of it tomorrow". Loudly say Merry Christmas to whomever you please, with a smile. If you offend someone, it might just make your day.  There is one magical thing, it will only last one day and then be gone. Life, of course, will continue, with all it's little stinky problems. At least they won't be all covered with glitter and bows and you won't have to pretend that they don't smell.

MERRY CHRISTMAS....or what-ever. JO