Now, I'm much older, the children have children, there is even a child of the daughter's daughter. And ironically, just the last few years, I get it. The holiday season can be very depressing. I now know that it was never about the amount of dollars to spend, it was always about the family happily joining together. But the years go by, the children grow up and form their own lives and traditions. And my beloved family is like many, especially in today's world, they do love each other, they just don't always like each other. There is no true perfect holiday and there is no true perfect family. Relationships are complicated. And for the more "mature" of us, you add in the fact that people who were once an important part of your life, just aren't here anymore.
So, I painfully get it---Christmas and the stretched out holiday season, with it's shiny, sparkly, merry, ho-ho-ho ness can make a person want to smash a big ole pumpkin pie right in someone's grinning carol singing face! How do you survive the holidays that aren't so merry for you any longer? Here are some of my tips:
*Give up any ideas that you've clung to about perfect holidays. Give up on your set belief in the place or time or how you will celebrate. Accept that times and people change, that the holiday, just like life, isn't always about what you want and what you think you need to be happy.
*Open your heart and your mind to something different. If you need to have several celebrations, in several different places, just do it. Don't try to guilt or force all of your family to be together because you want it that way. Be with family, whether it's one or ten, or with your friends.
*Prepare or purchase special food and enjoy sharing it. Be thoughtful and creative about gifts, even a gift card can be in a pretty box or bag with someone's favorite candy bar or small thing included. You can go to a movie, a restaurant, take a walk in a park, something that you don't normally do when you gather for a holiday.
*Refuse to be a part of any "drama" on the day, at the time of your holiday celebration. Enjoy the ones you 're with, remind yourself of the things that you love about them and do not get into any discussions of negative issues. If a discussion of family issues or disagreements begins just excuse yourself or simply smile and say, "I'm sorry. I'm not talking about that today."
*Remind yourself of the things you are thankful for in your life and find your own joy. Share it with your loved ones and don't let anyone take it from you.
If you will just do these simple things, mainly a change in your attitude and expectations, you'll have a much more peaceful holiday time. It may not be the big happy family Christmas that you dreamed of or even once had, but it can be an enjoyable time.
My true wishes for your happy holiday, JO